i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
