That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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