Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
