i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
