he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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