so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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