She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
