you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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