beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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