i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
