If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
