Just cropdusted the office
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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