I accidentally had phone sex last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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