Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
