I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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