I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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