just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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