So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
