she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
