All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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