I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
