After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
