we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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