I wanna bring you to show and tell
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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