I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
