I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
