Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
