Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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