He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
