you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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