So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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