i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
