I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
