omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
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we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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