i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
