I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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