A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
