woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
