it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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