She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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