***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
