I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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