When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
