I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
