The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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