What a fucking waste of an outfit
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
