Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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