I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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