I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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