I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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