I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
