Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
