I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have demons in me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
