Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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