Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
