I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
not ubering you a puppy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
