my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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