Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize