I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
