So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
