my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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