hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
