it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
