I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
