when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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