Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
