allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
